Ramblings From A Golden Unicorn

What A Long And Hot Day

2005-07-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

What a day I had.

First Miss shanice kept everyone up late late last night cause she held her arm out, let the hand go limp, then punched the wrist and then pulled a finger to try and make it pop. I really dont know what the hell she was thinking, but she was up crying about it for about an hour last night. well needless to say she woke up just fine. Of course.

Had to bring d into work at 230 AM. That sucked ass. I actually went to bed about 1230 or so, and trying to get up was a bitch. The meds I take at night knock me out after a lil while, so i get ok sleep now. I just dream a whole lot. Weird shit too.

But so I brought him to work, came home and went to bed.

Got up just before les was leaveing so I could get the kids ready to go.

We had to head out and pick up a dresser we bought on saturday and also had a freecycle pick-up which went so damn well!!!! But before we got there the window feel down so i had to stop and get TAPE to hold it up. We picked up a little mail thingy, i dunno what ya call it, but it is cool, just gotta figure out where to put it. But while I was there the lady asked if i would like a hope chest, well ya good god damn right i did!!! LMAO we have been looking for one for a while, and they are so expensive. So got it home. Then we ran off to walmart to grab stuff for dinner. we come out, only after about 20 minuets max and the car wouldnt start. Here it is, early afternoon, got 3 hungry hot and tired kids in tow and the car wont start. So we grab out cold stuff and head back into wally to call les. Sat down and had a little lunch.

we wound up haveing the car towed to pep-boys and will know in the morning what all is wrong, but for sure it will cost a bunch. Damn cars.

Tonight I brought D's car up to the new self car wash thingy. There is a carpet cleaning thingy there, and D's poor little car is NASTY stinky yukkie!! So i scrubbed the carpetts. Worked my ass of, was hot as a mutha fucker out there. But I got most of the crap out, teres a bunch of stains, and stuff all over the seats. Ugggg! too bad, it is only a 2001 and is much dirtier then the 1985 I had. Hmmm oh well.

Ohhh and while waiting for Les and trying to figure out the car and stuff missed my second interview so i will have that tomarrow afternoon. Just gotta fill out paper work and shit. So that was my great long and tireing day.

Now gotta brush out my hair have a smoke and head to bed.

Nighty nite.

Dylan's Big Day

2005-07-22T01:33:00.000-05:00

Well our little bitty boy turned one today!!!

It was so cute. He got to eat his favorite things, green beand and mac-n-cheese for dinner. And then got to tear into his very own cake, well the frosting at least. He didnt care much for the cake once he figured out frosting was pretty damn good.

He tore into it for about 10 minuets then was compleately finished. And then ran around the house hyped up on suger for about an hour and is now sleeping soundly in his bed.

Happy birthday Dilly butt!

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:25:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:23:00.001-05:00

Dylans Cake Before He Got His Little Hands On It

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:23:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:22:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:21:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:20:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:19:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:18:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:17:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:16:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:15:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:14:00.001-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:14:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:13:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:12:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:11:00.000-05:00

Dylans 1st Birthday

2005-07-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

Let's get you all cought up...

2005-07-21T13:35:00.000-05:00

well since I loast poasted I have gotten meds. Was put on Trazadone to help me sleep and Paxil CR to stabelise my moods. Really so far all it has done is make me all sorts of forgetful amd zone-out, but it has only been a few days, so we will see.

I went and picked up Les' flowers and cards and bought her a gold heart ring. And got a rose for each of the kids to give to her. And a few balloons. She started crying. Shs is such a sap. I hid her ring, in its box in the rozes i got her. She didnt see it at first, so i said did you smell thoses roses, hopeuing she would see the box. No such luck. She was snmelling them saying ohh yeah they do have a different smell. well of course they didnt, she thought i thought they did so she was humering me. I just wanted her to stick her nose in and find the box. well it had fallen down in the flowers so i had to point it out. She loved it!

And what a night we had last night. It was Les decided last minuet that she wanted to go out to eat so we just ran up to golden coral. I snuck the cake up their so after we ate the waitstaff brought it out and the resturant sang to her. She told me wait till November....lmao.

Before we even got inside the resturant we were waiting outside for Damon and the girls to show up, they went to the wrong resturant. We had been sitting there a good half hour, maybe even 45 minuets. Well we decided to go check and see how D would get lost for 45 minuets going 2 miles from the house. Well I got Dylan back in his car seat and noticed in the van next to me, that had been there since before we got there, there was a little boy sitting in the driver seat, couldnt have been more then 2. So les stopped the car and i got out to see if anyone was in the van with him, and no he was there alone, in houston where it is 95 with 80+ % humidity all the time. Well Leslie ran inside the resturant to see if she could locate someone but no luck. So she called the police. I sat out there with the little boy, trying to get him to unlock the doors but no luck. He looked fine and I knew it wouldnt take long for the police to get there so i just stood there.

Well the dad, maybe, came out holding a piece of bread for the boy and went to get in teh van. Most I could do was dig in the car and write down the licenses plat and make/modle and what the guy looked like. well gave it to the police, a squad showed up and the cop was like eh cant do anything im not chaseing him down. Sorry. Fucken dick. yeah you can do something you can look up the plate number and go ream this guy a new ass! You can go and arest his ass for leaveing a baby in a car alone for at leaste 45 minuets. You can kiss my ass. Ya know If that baby had only been in there 5 minuets they would have had a man hunt and swipped that child away. But since it was a bit serious they do nothing. HMPH!!!!!!!!

Well dinner went well except this poor lady had a piece of the buffett fall on her foot. Some stainless steal boarder fell on her foot, sliced three of her toes. Poor thing. She was talking about how she is diabetic and had just gotten out of the hospitol. Well the manager said best he could do was refyund her money. HA!! For sliceing my toes your ass owes me a hell of alot more then 7 fucken dollars. HA you can get me the phone so i can call a lawyer dumb ass.

After we got home leslie was on the phone and D and I brought in her other gift, a porch swing, she loved it.

We got the kids to bed I ran off to take a shower got all smellin sweet and put on a mighty fine little outfit for Leslie, hehehe. Then after we were all finished playing we fell asleep. well I had lit candles all over our room. One must of had a bubble in it because Les said she was only out for about 30 minuets before she woke up and found one candle compleatly burned down and dripping everywhere. This andle should have taken hours and hours to burn up. Well I figure there must have been a bubble in the wax. I havent really investigated it yet, but it made one hell of a mess.

Well today it is raing and storming a bunch. I have the kids in the littles room cleaning. Uggg always a chore and im not cleaning it.

Well I'm Off.

Was asked to join a site.....

2005-07-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

For rateing BBW and SSBBW and whatever. I hesitated, cause ya know, what if you average a 2.0 instead of a 8. And feel bad. but I did it anyway. HAHAHA I am highest on the list right now. Funny. Here is the link. Somehting is wrong with blogger, so it wont work for me to add it in my links, but it will be soon.

http://www.ratingbbw.com

I am missliz there so gimmie a 10!!!!

If my patience isn't wearing thin enough sometimes.

2005-07-12T14:07:00.000-05:00

Well we had an evenful day yesterday.

Shanice decided that lunchtime was just a mask for world War...oh I dont know what number now 3000 I guess.

She didnt like what I made her so it turned into a great big battle between she and I. Really I didnt think mac-n-cheese was such a big deal. I was wrong, terribly wrong.

Needless to say, She mad barbs and crossed far, far, far over lines she shouldnt have. I am so mad and hurt over it, but what am I supposta do? Nothing I guess. She is better today, already asking for things or to do things that are privlages. "shakes head" All I can think of is tuff shit. Might not be the best way to think of it or the nicest way but too damn bad.

We have had aquiet day. I havent spoken to her much at all. And I think it might be that way for a bit.

Talked with Diane, my counciler about it last night. She thinks that my issue from thursday night, the chest pains and stuff, were prolly an anxiety attact too. I have been sleeping for shit lately, nightmares and raceing thoughts. So she thinks maybe my head just went NO! when I tried to go to sleep, or maybe I had a nightmare and it triggered it. I dont remember too much from before it happend so could be. Ya never know. I do know I dont want one ever again. It sucked ass.

we changed the kids rooms around on sunday. Now the littles have the bigger room and Shanice the smaller. I think it will work much better. Now just need to get it all organised.

what else....

Nothing really. So Im outie.

Ohhh what a night.....

2005-07-10T01:24:00.000-05:00

early July here in 2005...well guess it dosent go as well as the late december back in 63, but ...

Had a GREAT night at the pool party. There wasnt a woman that I didnt get along with. It was SOOOOOO nice to get out and just be away from kids for an entire night.

Plus beautiful nekkid woman ALOWAYS make things better!!! had a really great time. Swam my big ass off and have the sore marks on my big toes to prove it. I rubbed my big toes raw roaming around in the pool, but SOOOOOOOO worth it!!

Even with all the fun, and yea I know I said I would have pics, but didnt think the ladies would like nekkid pics up of em, you have to always expect a bit of disapointment. Not with the party, but now damon is pissed off. He is mad we didnt get home untill noon. I guess he expected us to be home in the wee hours of the morning. Well we decided to get some sleep before heading the hour and a half back home and instead of sleeping just 2 or 3 hours we slept untill about 10:30. So when we called home to say hey were on out way, you guys wanna meet up with us so we can do something our answer was NOPE!

So we get home after grocery shopping and a little thrift store shopping, and D and the kids went to a movie, we get hella attitude. he is PISSED THE FUCK OFF!! Ane were trying to figure out what the fuck. well he didnt really expect us to stay the whole night and really thought noon was way to late to be getting home. So after trying to kiss his ass and say sorry, but it was a ways out and we were tired and had been drinking and it got late and whatever, heis like I dont care and has this dont try and make it up im just going to be pissed the hell off.

Well I finnaly just got irritated and said ya know we cant fx that we got home so late, we didnt intend to but we did. i am sorry and next time if there is some party that were invited too that might maybe have the chance of going into the next day we wont go. how do we fix this so your not pissed? (I had said I cant fix this a couple times by now) And his answer back was, and in a whiney voice I know you cant fix this blah balh blah. I just loked at him and said Ya know what, then run around the house, be pissed off and nasty. I am done trying to apoligise fuck you. Maybe a few more fuckes. but I was so damn mad. I was very ganuine. I really didnt want him to be mad. Hell We have NEVER gone out all night, with me at least. it isnt a regular thing for us to even go out. And we met some really cool ladies and had a blast. And we get to feel like were 16, stole the car and came home past curfew. Hell no. Last i checked I was grown. And god damnit if i am going to go out, thats what I am gonna do. it isnt fair we get to feel like shit for haveing fun.

So he wants no reason, explination or sorry for it, it seems he just wants to be pissed off over it, more power to him. we had a night out, which we needed so bad and we rarely get with out kids, and we had fun. Good enough for me. If he dosnt want to except apologies and throw a fit, tuff titty, he will just have to be mad.

But so, yeah we had a blast. it was WELL worth the fit thrown when we got home.

So now here i sit. I am up alone, tired as hell, but so pissed and hurt. Fucken bull shit.

Leslie and I had a really great talk at lunch today, which was now 12 hours ago and chinese and im starveing, whos got some nummie stuff for me??

We talked about our relationship (all three of us) and what we want and how it is going.

Our relationshit is pretty good. We have ups and downs. Have issues with shanice and my depression that were working threw, but all in all were all pretty happy, I think...D is still mad...lol

But Les told me about Juju, her boss. And how she is now...somthing 45 maybe, somehting close to that. and has no kids of her own, cant have them. and how she is so regreting not haveing any and really wants some but due to other issues at home cant. And Les told me how it bother her to see how much I want a baby, born from me. Because I lost both my girls she knows how it tears me apart and how bad I have the feeling of need to have a baby. And she is scared. Scared because theycant/wont give me that. And yes we have three kids by les and D, but it is hard to explain but it just isnt the same. I love our kids like they were my own, but it is still very hard. And damon lately dosnt make it easier.

He makes comments like if Les and d want to go out, and of course it is perfectly fine to leave the kids with me, he dosnt like it. Says one of their parents need to be home with them. And we have had this talk. I a here, have been here threw thick and thin, treat these kids like they are my kids. Leslie feels the same. With Dylan he has two mama's. Jae loves me to death and pretty much thinks of me like asecond mom, and shanice, right now i am a mom when it suits her, but teenagers ya know. And for D to say shit like that to me, like he feels uncomfortable leaveing the kids with me like ai am some stranger or something pisses me right the fuck off. Hurts me more though. and this past anivercery for Les and D, their 15th wedding anivercery, he didnt want o really celibrate it because of me and how it changes all he wanted in a marriage. And he dosent think of himself as poly. I dont know. It is so frustrateing.

I sit and think. well shit I have been here over 2 years now. I have been threw alot of shit with shanice and the baby and other stuff. Tought, tought stuff. And I am still here. Do i want to continue in a relationship where i cant have a baby? Do I want to invest more time and effort, sweat and tears into somehting I might regret when I am 40? I dont know.

I know I have found a wonderful family, that i cant imagine being without. I know I love these kids and if I left it would crush me. I know I dont want to ever sleep in a bed without les and d in it.( except tonight of course, i got my pillow and beauty and the beast blanket on the couch)

Could I make it on my own with a baby??

Well in Houston, no. It is so expensive here. By the time I pay bills and rent and daycare, i wont have money for the baby, so now I would work 2 jobs and then never see the baby. whats the point?? I could move out, be close to home so I could have my cake and eat it two. But I would never be at my place. I would always be here. And then it is a waste of money haveing my own place. And Les and D would have to put the kids in daycare, and with just Jae and dylan they would pay 200 a week or more, and have to worry if shanice is burning dwn the fucken house befor they could get home.

It is all too much hassel. but I want it so bad it hurts.

I used to joke with D about gonig to a sperm bank. And he said, if you want. So he is willing to be stand in daddy for a baby that isnt biologically his, but wont have one with me?? What sense does that make??? None if ya ask me.

We have had this talk, more then a few times. he dosnt want to have to worry about if we were to have a kid and then decided we were to break up, it would hurt him to lose the baby. No trust in me there.

most I think it is is trying to explain to his mama that well you ahev another grandchild comeing, yes i know leslie got her tubes tied, it is Liz's.

his family along with les' only know me as the nanny/friend. So it makes it difficult. He can talk big and say, after his mom starts breating again after he tells her about me she will get used to it. She got used to Leslie after 7 years. Has he said anything to her yet??? Ehhh nope. so I think, just my opinion but, i think he worries about wehat his mom and brothers and other family would think of it. and it is a valid concern but fuck man. I hate being hid in the closet.

Well not that I have bitched away I am off to get food. ny ass is hungry!!

Night.

Bi-woman pool party!!!

2005-07-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Is the plan for tonight. A few woman, about 10, from a bi womans group Les is in is haveing a pool party tonight.

I can see the thoughs of the men reading this now. I am sure all that is raceing threw ya head is bi-woman in swimsuits haveing water fights and then a great big orgy after!! LMAO well, as far as I know, no, that isnt happening, the orgy part. But it will be nice to leave the house and go do something for the night. Yep were not comeing back tonight. It is a minuet away and with it already starting late and adding drinking were just gonna stay there for the night. So it should prove to be an interesting night. It will be nice to hang out with woman, well anyone i guess, that isnt just chit chat at a bar or bingo. So I will post on that tomarrow or Sunday.

I went to the hospitol last night. I couldnt seem to catch my breath and my chest and arm hurt like a bitch!! So off to the county hospitol we went. And I knew as soo as Les made the turn to the right and not the left that we were off to Ben Taub and off to a LONG LONG night.

Last time i was there, only other time for that matter, I waited 15 hours. 12 befor i saw a doc for 5 minuets. seriously 5 minuets. She didnt touch me, and really didnt ask any questions. Just gave me 2 precriptions, that dont do shit by the way, and sent me on my way. So I sat in the er for 12 hours, no pain meds, in hard ass seat, could lay down, to see a doc for 5 minuets. And then had to wait almost 3 hours to get my precription filled. Sine I have the county insurence I have to go there and have my stuff filled there. No choice in the matter. I cant just go to walgreens.

Well aftr waiting almost 3 hours last night i finnaly got to see the triage nurse, 3rd to lasdt step befor seeing a doc. And I asked her how long the wait would roughly be. She said 10-12 hours from this point. Well fuck me, we had already been there almost 3, it was now 4 am and we surely couldnt stay untill at the earlyiest 2 pm that afternoon. She lost her ever loven mind!!! So I went to Les and was like were outtie, c'mon. And of course she said nope sit your ass down, we will wait you hurt. well she changed her mind when we saw that the nurse had me down for muscle cramps. MUSCLE FUCKEN CRAMPS?!??! you have got to be kidding me. No it isnt a muscle cramp. I was really scared I was haveing a heart attack or some. (im not in the best shape or eat the best diet so it is a real risk) Leslie was pissed went hunting for the nurse manager to tell teh the bitch didnt know what she ws talking about. well needless tosay after waiting 45 minuets for the nurse manager we left without speaking to her.

I told Les when I came back last time, I will go to the hospitol that is 5 minuets away, not 45, and be seen and happily take the bill. I understand ALOT of people are on their case load but damned if people should wait 14+ hours to see a doc who could give a damn. So here I sit. My arm, yeah it hurts some still. But not enough to go back to Ben Taub. The only way you get good treatment at Ben Taub is if you come in dieing. If you get passed the er adn get admitted it is supposta be a great hospitol, but you just have to make sure the nurse puts down the right thing or you wont be seen for 14 hours and you may just die in the waiting room either frm your illness or from boredom.

But, pain or not off to the bi-pool party!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE I so cant wait. I shall take pics. :-)

I have seen it all now.

2005-07-07T14:21:00.000-05:00

OK was intbetween this chinese show I happened to stumble across on channel 75, AZN is the call letters. I dunno what the show is, but it is still on the T.V. Why I havent changed it is beyond me.

Anyway I have seen it all for infomercials. I have see the food dehydrators and mixer slash blender and the pots that cook your food without being in or on the stove. I have seeen the magic cleaners and wipes and everything. I am a nite owl, I have seen most of them, meny times.

But today I saw somehting and really i have seen it all. An electric eyelash curler. WTF?????? Ok one, who needs a curling iron a half an inch from their eyeball? I see the lawsuits a commin'. If I went so affraid on blinding myself, I might have to get in line. Two, what was wrong with the old fashioned ones? Not all that old fashioned but seems they are now. I remember my mom and grandma useing the maybeline silver, looked like a vise, one. Always scared me. I thought It would get stuck, pull out my lashes and I would have nekkid eyelids. But now dont worry, you wont pull em out, you will scald your lids and eyeballs, no worries.Three, whats a better alternative to longer looking curled lasheshes..hmmmm super glueing fake ones on.OK really I am so not sure whats worse, glueing your eyes shut or scalding them shut. Im not really sure.

I think now I have seen it al, but Im sure someone will prove me wrong and make my mouth drop again.